I don't really ever feel "depressed"... but I do get quite fed up for long periods. I believe in letting nature run its course I aint the sort to over react and go running to my GP begging for happy pills cause Im stuck in a rut... Im finally starting to pick my self up a little. I need to sort some stuff out. My emotions are all fucked up... I know.

My confidence is up again.. I can hold eye contact with a beautiful woman and not feel stupid.

Its my b-day soon an I got some time off to myself. So maybe if everything goes smoothly over the next couple of weeks... could find the psychological strength to get some stuff done and out of the way... I wish I could really sort my life out so it was better somehow. To be honest Im just glad it isnt worse. Even as I type this I feel like I am somehow tempting... Fate.

Gawd why are families so fucking.... GAH! I feel like screaming sometimes... but I know it wouldn't change anything..

Change is on the horizon tho... We can all feel it.

Soon.

Love peace and poptarts to you all

(P.S I use this as an actual diary to spill my mind out into, not as a pseudo self-inspiring bullshit repository like a lot of people seem to. so sorry if you read this expecting the usual rah! rah! isnt life great bs XD)